sunday . . .

12.27.2009

they say when it rains - it pours - there must be a flood in my house . . .

it began a little over a week ago, busy with the holiday, wrapping, baking, family on their way into town - typical Christmastime hustle & bustle. I always hate how hectic it becomes at the end - rushing to do everything that you had hoped to finish weeks ago so that you wouldn't (once again) vow that next year you would be ready months before so that you could simply enjoy December. In the midst of it all I discovered I was pregnant - we finally decided to try again after losing our second son about a year and a half ago. After that whole experience I never thought I could do it again - the thought of carrying a child for months & months as I did with Emmanuel, only to lose him so far along - well it scared me to death. But finally, my husband & both decided to try and just see - if it happened, it happened - it would be meant to be. If not, we knew Ryan was enough, more than enough . . . Anyways, much to my surprise, the first month into trying it happened. I was ecstatic & decided to keep it a secret until Christmas. I was nervous & scared a bit, but excited . . . the doctor confirmed I was pregnant but that it was very early along - 2 weeks maybe - advised me to come in 2 days later to check the HCG levels. The night before Christmas Eve I began to miscarry - so early on that my doctor had said I would have never known if I hadn't been trying & checking - I would have just thought I was late. I know people miscarry all the time - I just can't help but wonder why it would have happened after everything we went through a year & a half ago. I keep reminding myself how blessed I am to have Ryan - and he is MORE than enough - but I still can't help but be sad . . . then last night my husband dropped my computer - just a simple accident - but somehow in the fall the hardrive internally smashed & I lost EVERYTHING - I am one of those idiots that never backed anything up - every picture of Ryan from birth was on that harddrive - I could just throw up over it. So, as you can see it is pouring at my house . . . I promise to be back later this week with something inspiring (fingers crossed) - as you can see - I need the distraction/creative escape of scrapping to get my mind off of things . . .

ttyl - julie

72 comments:

  1. Oh Julie, bless your heart. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. ((Big Hugs))

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  2. Julie,
    I am deeply sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I have no words and even if I did, I know they wouldn't be enough. Please know that I care and that I will pray for you and your precious family. May you feel God's love and peace during this difficult season and please know that He loves you and will carry you through.

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  3. Julie, I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. Life can be so hard at times. Thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling happier very soon.

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  4. I am so sorry to hear your news...never give up trying....it's just not your time right now. It's very consuming to miscarry, I do know, but pick yourself back up and keep going, it will happen. God bless you.

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  5. i'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and the other rain in your house! {{{hugs}}}

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  6. Hi Julie, I am so sorry to read about what you are going through right now. My heart goes out to you.

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  7. So sorry Julie! I remeber your first loss as I too lost one shortly before you did at 20 weeks. I just had another one this past summer at 12 weeks. It's never easy is it. Praying for strength for you.

    Kris

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  8. Oh, Julie, I am so sad for you and Justin. Even when your logical brain knows you should feel lucky for having Ryan (and Emmanuel), and for having a computer hard drive to get smashed to bits.... I do hope that each day gets a little easier than the last. Be good to each other. Be kind to yourself.

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  9. Just came to your blog from your 52 sketches site - I'm so sorry to read of your loss and all that has been happening to you. You and your family will be in our prayers!

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  10. Oh Julie my heart goes out to you and hope that things go better for you soon.

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  11. Dear sweet Julie. I just don't know what to say...except that reading your post made me feel ready to throw up myself. Prayers, hugs, peace sent your way.

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  12. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  13. Julie, some of those computer repair places can do miracles with hard drives, even those that have been smashed. Sometimes it's possible to get some data recovered. If you have any Data Doctor's around, I'd suggest trying one of them before throwing the hard drive out. I'm sick for you, as well. Sending you positive thoughts and virtual comfort.

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  14. Julie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I went thru one too & it is never easy. I know it is scary but you can't give up. Hope all the rain dries up @ your house soon. Hurry back because as you said this is a good distraction. xoxo Staci

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  15. Julie,
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers.
    mm

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  16. I've been following your sketches and loved them. Went to your blog to see other creative "stuff" you had going on. Sorrry it was "rainy" stuff. I had 2 miscarriages after my first daughter 30 years ago and was afraid I would never have more than one.......I went on to have 2 healthy babies and pregnancies. Hang in there and know that lots of "sunshiney" thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.

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  17. Julie, I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the accident with your computer. I shared your story with my husband because I was so heartbroken for you and he said that even if the hard drive may have gotten banged up, there is still a chance that some pictures, etc may be salvageable off of it. He also said he would be more than happy to take a look at it if you wanted to send it to him in upstate NY. If you are interested at all, my e-mail is erin@joshmclear.com

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  18. Julie, I am so sorry! That heartache is nearly unbearable... I am praying for you. I hope you get some peaceful time of rest during the next few days. ((hugs))

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  19. Julie...so sorry to hear of everything you are going thru...sending warm thoughts & prayers to you & your family...hang in there :o)

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  20. Julie, my thoughts are with you. I know that pain. I miscarried for the first time just before Thanksgiving 2004...then again in August 2005...my son Ben was born in September 2006, so don't give up just yet. I was 40 when he was born. Peace to you, and healing.

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  21. Julie, I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, especially the miscarriage. I will keep you in my prayers that you recover quickly and that God will see fit in his vast goodness to bless you with another child soon.

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  22. Sending big hugs your way Julie for you and your hubby. Just remember dont ever give up-he will guide you and carry you through it all. God bless you and your family.

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  23. Hi dear Julie
    I`ve you and yours on my prayers and remember that
    sometimes our ways are not God and he knows why it makes things,maybe you`ll understand later....
    A big big HUG for you!!!
    Luzma

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  24. **Big Hugs** I know there is a reason for everything, but that doesn't help me understand why things happen sometimes!

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  25. Hugs, Julie,...I'm sorry for your losses.

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  26. Julie, I am so very sorry for your loss, again. My heart goes out to you. I am not very vocal on the blogs but I wish the best for you in the future.
    BTW, there might be places that can take your hard drive and get the files off of it, even after crashing it, unless its condition is too far gone. Hopefully there will be a way to get all those memorable photos back. {{{{HUGS!!}}}}

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  27. Julie - so sorry to hear of your loss. I know your pain, far too well. Sending you a big (hug).

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  28. {{{{{{{{{{{{BIG BEAR HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  29. Oh Julie, I am so so very sorry to hear of your loss and the computer breaking!! My heart aches for you. Please, do send it in to a computer place or up to whomever it was on here that gave you her email address. Those computer people can do amazing things! I hope they can recover all of your precious photos..
    Sending you and Justin lots of love, hugs and prayers!! ~Michelle

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  30. Julie, my heart just broke reading your tale of woe. I will remember you and your family (and your computer!!) in my prayers. I hope you get dry soon!
    Alison

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  31. Oh Julie!
    I am so very sorry. This is so sad.
    You are in my thoughts. Hugs.

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  32. Dear Julie, Your story touched my heart. My thoughts are with you. I know a few guys who fix and work on computers. Are you certain the drive is inoperable? My friends are amazing and perhaps the pictures can be saved. I had my camera stolen and lost precious pictures that were on the card as well.

    hugs * hugs
    Sheryl

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  33. Oh, Julie, my heart goes out to you and your family at this time! Know that there are prayers going up for you! Hugs!

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  34. Julie, I will pray for you as well. You're a real blessing and hero for sharing your journey so transparently. I was following your sketches when you lost Emmanuel. May God bless you and keep you, your husband and Ryan in the coming year. As Emmanuel's name reminds us...God is with you--let Him hold you close this season. Marvita

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  35. Oh, Julie, soooooo sorry to hear about all you're going through. Remember what follows the rain . . . a beautiful rainbow. HUGS!!!

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  36. Hugs to you Julie -- will add you to my prayer list.

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  37. julie, i am so sorry to hear about your loss and your previous loss. what a way to end/start a year off, may the new year hold new blessings for you and your family.

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  38. Oh Julie....so sorry to hear about your last few weeks of chaos!!!!! As a mother and a woman, I could totally feel your pain. I too have miscarried and no matter what the situation, a loss is a loss, whether it be at 9 weeks or 9 months. Please know that I will be praying for you and KNOW that there is no other place to find peace and love than in the precious arms of our Saviour. With every loss in our lives, I do believe that there is a blessing around the corner. Hold tight to the promise of what is ahead!!!! I wish you a very Happy New Year and I do BELIEVE there are good things to come!!!!! Blessings to you and your family!

    Kim Arledge

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  39. Julie I'm so sorry, Don't give up if it's ment to be it will be. But it happens when the Lord wants it I know he has a special blessing for you, my sister had two beautiful boys after loosing 2. Big hugs hope the best for the New Year.

    I hope you can recover some pictures.

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  40. Julie, so sorry to hear about your loss. Keep positive and it will happen for you. On another note, there are a lot of data recovery places that can extract data from a non working hard drive. They have been known to take harddrives that were burned up in a fire and get data off them. Having a broken harddrive is probably pretty easy to get data off. Did you upload any of your pictures to any online stores for ordering prints like shutterfly? They would still have all of your files safe online. Good luck.

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  41. Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be and esp at this time of year. On teh bright side at least you get a new computer. I hope the pictures aren't completely lost. You are in my prayers.

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  42. Oh, Julie my heart just broke into pieces at the lost of another baby. When you lost Emanuel I sat and cried. I couldn't imagine what you were going through. But this loss I do know as I miscarried my third child. I look foward to the day I get to hug my child who God named for me. My wish is for you to know God's healing love he has for you. May you have many blessings in the new year. With Love, Kim

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  43. Oh Julie!!! I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you and your family right now.

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  44. Terrible news but just know you will survive and go on.
    You see I truly believe that we always revert back to the people we were before tragedy.
    If you were happy before you will be happy again, if you were a depressed and negative person before you will be again, It is our nature, we are who we are.
    While this loss will be embedded in your heart forever, you will be happy.
    hugs to you big, big

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  45. Julie, sorry to hear about your loss. Do not despair, dear. Be strong.

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  46. Julie, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You will be in my thoughts. I hope that you are able to retrieve Ryan's photos from the hard drive. I hope that creating will help you move on.

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  47. Julie, I really don't even know you, but I want you to rest assured that I will pray for you and your family. I am very sorry for your loss now and in the past. I can't imagine all you are dealing with. God is stil in control and He has a plan in all of it. I trust you will feel his comfort as the days roll on. Keep trusting and digging deep! I'll pray!

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  48. Julie, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and heartache.I miss your sketches at Scrapbook Studio..You will be in my prayers and I hope the new year is a great one for you and your family.
    Cecile

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  49. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs to you and your family as you go work through the grief.

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  50. Oh Julie, my heart breaks for you. I will pray for healing, peace, and a return to joyfulness for you and your family. {({({HUGS})})}

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  51. My heart and prayers are with you. My sister has only been pregnant twice. The first baby died at 3 months of age, and the second she miscarried. I can't say that I know your pain personally, but I've seen the despair and I wish there was something we could do for you.
    As far as the pictures go, at least you printed some of them for your scrapbooks, right? I know you had tons more, but you can cherish what you do still have.
    Love to you and your family.
    Shelly

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  52. oh, I'm so so sorry to hear of your trials right now... sending a hug and a prayer.

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  53. Oh, Julie, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. It breaks my heart. I will pray for God to grant your wish for another child, and to give you strength and peace in the meantime.

    Did you take your computer hard drive to a computer repair shop? Those guys can work miracles!

    Hugs,
    Lisa

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  54. You are in my thoughts, Julie.
    I am so sorry for everything that is going on in your life. Hopefully God will help you through this and at the end of the tunnel there will be a light.

    The same thing happened to me today. My computer crashed and lost everything. No pictures as far back as you, but all of my pictures that I transferred from my camera to the computer are lost. Now I know not to trust computers with anything. I will be backing EVERYTHING up now. :)

    I hope things begin to look up for you. Have a wonderful holiday. God bless.

    ~K

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  55. I've just seen this ! So sorry to hear about this , Julie !

    I really hope something can still be salvaged out of your hard disk too.

    Know that this too shall pass even as it too easy for us to say right now.

    Out prayers and thoughts will be with you & your family !

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  56. Julie - the time, energy and heart that you have given us through your blog and your sketches has been so appreciated - please take some comfort and peace from the love and caring that we cyber gals give in return - Terry

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  57. Julie, I was saddened by your news and although I don't know you personally I feel your pain. I too have lost a 2nd son.

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  58. Julie...hugs my dear....I am a mother to three boys and three angels. Being a mother to an angel is the hardest on your heart.

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  59. Julie,
    I am praying for a wonderful 2010 for you and your family. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  60. Julie,
    I am so sorry for your losses. I too know your pain. I had two beautiful daughters. Then lost a son at 37 weeks. Then a year later, I miscarried. I am thankful to say a year after that, we had another healthy daughter. It is possible after loss to have another miracle. If your doctor believes its possible to have another healthy child, don't deny yourself out of fear. The joys outweigh the pain.

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  61. Julie, I am so very sorry. It is so difficult--being a woman--sometimes. Do take time to REST and do something you ENJOY at this time...read a book, take a walk, sleep in a little longer. Your body needs some extra TLC. Please do not add "expectations" to your to do list right now. I am so very sorry for your losses. I truly wish I could rewind and make it all end differently. You are such an encouragement to so many. You are in our prayers and thoughts.

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  62. oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear this. Hope your doing better.

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  63. Julie, I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I myself have lost two babies in the second trimester. I know the pain you are experiencing. If it's right for you keep trying, if not then everyday thank the Lord above you have that gorgeous son and know that you are truly blessed. Thinking about you and praying that your pain eases. Bless you.

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  64. God has blessed you and will continue to bless you, Julie. Of course you have to be sad after losing your little baby, having invested so much emotionally just to try again. I am a first time visitor to your site. I have visited "52 Sketches" a few times, and wanted to start anew today with a new year. I'm sorry to find that it's the end of the site, but I will use last year's sketches if they're available and will continue to visit your blog. Be well!

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  65. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  66. Julie - I am sooooo sorry. I just read about everything that happened to you in December.
    Firstly, I know a lot of people have miscarriages,and more than one, but I also know how hard it is when it happens to you. I had three. Then they did a hystiopingiogram (sp) on me and I went on to have Kevin and Meagan...Just a thought for you to consider. And to lose all your photos of your DS, I couldn't even imagine how devastating that must be. I sure hope you can retrieve that information somehow. Good luck to you this year in your new endeavors. I will be checking your blog when I can to see what you've been up to. Wishing you all the best.

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  67. Well it looks like my comment didn't make it through :( Just wanted to say that I too have gone through numerous miscarriages and know how devestating it is. I have gone on to have a 2nd daughter but was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy. Having a child truly is a miracle not to be taken for granted! Wishing you a speedy recovery-
    Karen

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  68. my heart goes out to u! ill pray for u julie! :)

    Darlene

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  69. Julie please know I am so sorry for your miscarriage. I will add your family to my prayers. I can not pretend to know what you feel but I imagine it is rather difficult. I hope you were able to save your hard drive.

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  70. Julie, I have been following your sketches and love them then when I saw you had a blog I was very excited! I read your post about your miscarriage and i am so sorry. I understand how you feel as i also had a miscarriage just before christmas it is so heartbreaking... Look forward to following your blog. Natasha x

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  71. I just ran across this post... I hope I am not too late... did you talk to a professional restoration company because they can put the guts in another case of a hardrive and maybe recover your photos...
    Hugs... Bonnie

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