wednesday

"She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails."

-Elizabeth Edwards

Found this quote on pinterest & just loved it.  Nearly a month since my last post :(  Where the heck have I been, here mostly - in the midst of my own storm of sorts.  It all began about 2 months ago, a tingling and numbness in my left leg.  Here & there, an annoyance really - chalked it up to nothing more.  And of course powered through as any busy mother of little ones would.  That's the funny thing, you worry so much about the little ones, dashing them into the doctors at the hint of any little sickness.  But yourself, well there is no time for doctors & such :)  As the weeks continued some leg pain, backaches, still powering through though.  I mean I have an almost 3 foot 30 pound one year old who (although cruising and using a walker) is still not walking on his own.  Who wouldn't have some aches & pains from carrying that kid around, right??  The week before St. Patricks Day the pain had become irritating enough that I made an appointment.  The doctor prescribed me some medication and sent me to get an MRI & X-rays.  Low & behold I had a herniated disc in my lower spine.   I tried to make appointments with some surgeons at varying practices but nothing was available for at least another 3 weeks.  Then my body just pretty much fell apart, painful to walk & sit & to lay - like in tears, sobbing kind of painful.  I was limping around and unable to lift/hold the kids.  My husband worked some wonders and got me into a surgeon ASAP - I was given 2 options - epidural steroid injections in my spine in conjunction with physical therapy or surgery.  Being that the surgery would most likely (in my situation) involve removing the herniated disc and performing a spinal fusion, I opted for the injections.  The prospect of a surgery that would require a lengthy recovery process seemed a nightmare for a mother of 2 little ones.  I had my first injection about a week and half ago - I'm still on the fence as to whether or not it has helped that much.  Last week my family was simply AMAZING - helping out with kids day & night so I didn't have to lift and I did feel better.  Not back to normal, but the pain was bearable for the most part.  Usually it wasn't until the end of the day that my leg was throbbing, full of pins & needles.  This weekend we tried to get back in our regular routine and I did lift Nicholas, not all day but here & there.  By Sunday night I was in some serious pain.  I woke up Monday morning & my lower back down to my left ankle was in SO MUCH PAIN.  I mean I panicked, I felt like I couldn't walk.  Like physically could not move the leg - very scary.  I cried some more - okay like buckets.  In the end, I made it through the day - very difficult though & frustrating.  Yesterday & today were a bit better - there are ups & downs throughout the day but definitely better than Monday.  I hate this - I mean in the end, I know it could all be a million times worse, I could have some horrible illness that could be terminal.  But if you knew me, you'd know I am an on the go kind of gal, very active & busy with a million things and now I feel like my life is in slow motion - painful slow motion.  Mostly I hate that I can't be the same mom I was several weeks ago.  That I have to plan out when I "need" to pick Nicholas up through the day, because if I do it too much I will pay for it in pain later.  That I can't run around with Ryan outside even though he smiles so big and says "But mom, it's a BEAUTIFUL day!!".  That if Nicholas is crying about something he has to sit and wait while I strap on this back brace just in case I end up having to pick him up to help calm him down.  It has been difficult but I am learning what my limitations are right now.  Trying to still be the best mom I can be but at the same time take care of myself.  I have my second injection tomorrow and I am hoping & praying to see some more positive results.  I am ready to feel like myself again - enough of this hobbling around!!!

It has been so long since I've shared some pics . . . sorry for the overload :)

My 2 cuties on a walk at Grammy's, pre-herniated disc - no way I can lug this wagon around right now :(

This one, in LOVE with strawberries . . .



Happy to be out in the beautiful weather . . .



Sneaky guy - always finding his way into my scrap room - yes he has figured out how to work the mouse and mess with my computer :)



Definitely a bit devilish this one - but who could resist him :)



A note Ryan made for me . . . love, love, love this :)



Okay - not sure about this pose :)  Little man proud of his Easter Hunt loot at school :)



There's a chance he's been watching some Saturday Night Fever and practicing his John Travolta pose - HA!!



Sick & unhappy last week with a fever . . . but still so freakin' adorable :)



Mastering the art of eating an apple :)



Brothers at play . . . love this one :)



Dying our Easter eggs a bit early and having lots of fun!!!



Nothing like a walk & a popsicle!!



Sportin' a new sunhat from Grammy!!!



Ryan is enjoying trying out my camera every now and again.  Here's me decked out in my back brace on our walk.  This week was the first week I started exercising again - not gonna lie - definitely painful but doctor's orders!!



Me & the little guy (photo by Ryan - not too bad for a 5 year old) . . .



Now - have I been scrapping??  Nope, not one bit in the past month.  There is no way I can sit for any real length of time upright.  Hoping this changes soon as I am missing it terribly :(  I do have a number of things to share though that were posted last month.  First up, cards, LOTS of them.  I was absolutely flattered to be asked by Jill & Kimber of Jilllibean Soup to be a guest designer for their card kit club, The Card Kitchen.  While I was initially worried to try & come up with 8 different card ideas, I found it no problem once I started playing with the kit.  It was adorable & packed with all kinds of fun goodies!!   Here's what I came up with . . .







(I just have to mention here that I made the basket in the card above :)  I cut strips from a small kraft envelope included in the kit & weaving them together, then folded over the edges.  To give it a rounded shape that allowed me to tuck in the flowers, I simply added some lower pop dots on the edges & thicker ones in the center.  The handle was cut from the bottom folded edge of the enveloped and glued down with some Tombow liquid adhesive - great adhesive by the way!!)









I also came up with a few sketches for them . . .




You may have seen on the Jillibean Soup blog that Jill had extended the current designers' contracts for another 6 months.  I decided to not extend my contract.  I made this decision before I found out all this mess about my back/leg, and am actually pretty grateful I did now because I wouldn't be able to complete my assignments anyway.  I LOVED working for Jill & the Jillibean Soup company.  It was honestly one of the best experiences I have had in this industry.  They are ridiculously generous with product & such wonderful people to have worked under.  I know I will miss it terribly but was ready to be commitment- free for awhile.  Aside from what is going on now, I have other things that I need to focus on & once I get this back all figured out, hopefully I will be able to do so :)  I do want to share my last 2 projects for Jillibean soup.  The first is this layout of Nicholas & his crazy curls.  I have had his hair cut twice & the curls keep coming back - love them!!!



This was the March sketch challenge I created . . .



And finally, the designer challenge for March was to scrap ourselves.  I'll be honest, I don't have too many pics of just me - mostly the few I have our with the kids.  I know as mother's we often struggle with our identity outside of the mother role.  It's difficult, but if I have learned anything over the past few weeks, it is that being a mother is the most important thing I can do in my life.  That faced with the inability to do it as I have always done scares me, that I will do whatever it takes to get to be "me" again, a mother . . .



The quote I found on pinterest . . . just perfect :)