wednesday

4.04.2012

"She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails."
-Elizabeth Edwards

Found this quote on pinterest & just loved it.  Nearly a month since my last post :(  Where the heck have I been, here mostly - in the midst of my own storm of sorts.  It all began about 2 months ago, a tingling and numbness in my left leg.  Here & there, an annoyance really - chalked it up to nothing more.  And of course powered through as any busy mother of little ones would.  That's the funny thing, you worry so much about the little ones, dashing them into the doctors at the hint of any little sickness.  But yourself, well there is no time for doctors & such :)  As the weeks continued some leg pain, backaches, still powering through though.  I mean I have an almost 3 foot 30 pound one year old who (although cruising and using a walker) is still not walking on his own.  Who wouldn't have some aches & pains from carrying that kid around, right??  The week before St. Patricks Day the pain had become irritating enough that I made an appointment.  The doctor prescribed me some medication and sent me to get an MRI & X-rays.  Low & behold I had a herniated disc in my lower spine.   I tried to make appointments with some surgeons at varying practices but nothing was available for at least another 3 weeks.  Then my body just pretty much fell apart, painful to walk & sit & to lay - like in tears, sobbing kind of painful.  I was limping around and unable to lift/hold the kids.  My husband worked some wonders and got me into a surgeon ASAP - I was given 2 options - epidural steroid injections in my spine in conjunction with physical therapy or surgery.  Being that the surgery would most likely (in my situation) involve removing the herniated disc and performing a spinal fusion, I opted for the injections.  The prospect of a surgery that would require a lengthy recovery process seemed a nightmare for a mother of 2 little ones.  I had my first injection about a week and half ago - I'm still on the fence as to whether or not it has helped that much.  Last week my family was simply AMAZING - helping out with kids day & night so I didn't have to lift and I did feel better.  Not back to normal, but the pain was bearable for the most part.  Usually it wasn't until the end of the day that my leg was throbbing, full of pins & needles.  This weekend we tried to get back in our regular routine and I did lift Nicholas, not all day but here & there.  By Sunday night I was in some serious pain.  I woke up Monday morning & my lower back down to my left ankle was in SO MUCH PAIN.  I mean I panicked, I felt like I couldn't walk.  Like physically could not move the leg - very scary.  I cried some more - okay like buckets.  In the end, I made it through the day - very difficult though & frustrating.  Yesterday & today were a bit better - there are ups & downs throughout the day but definitely better than Monday.  I hate this - I mean in the end, I know it could all be a million times worse, I could have some horrible illness that could be terminal.  But if you knew me, you'd know I am an on the go kind of gal, very active & busy with a million things and now I feel like my life is in slow motion - painful slow motion.  Mostly I hate that I can't be the same mom I was several weeks ago.  That I have to plan out when I "need" to pick Nicholas up through the day, because if I do it too much I will pay for it in pain later.  That I can't run around with Ryan outside even though he smiles so big and says "But mom, it's a BEAUTIFUL day!!".  That if Nicholas is crying about something he has to sit and wait while I strap on this back brace just in case I end up having to pick him up to help calm him down.  It has been difficult but I am learning what my limitations are right now.  Trying to still be the best mom I can be but at the same time take care of myself.  I have my second injection tomorrow and I am hoping & praying to see some more positive results.  I am ready to feel like myself again - enough of this hobbling around!!!

It has been so long since I've shared some pics . . . sorry for the overload :)

My 2 cuties on a walk at Grammy's, pre-herniated disc - no way I can lug this wagon around right now :(

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This one, in LOVE with strawberries . . .

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Happy to be out in the beautiful weather . . .

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Sneaky guy - always finding his way into my scrap room - yes he has figured out how to work the mouse and mess with my computer :)

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Definitely a bit devilish this one - but who could resist him :)

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A note Ryan made for me . . . love, love, love this :)

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Okay - not sure about this pose :)  Little man proud of his Easter Hunt loot at school :)

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There's a chance he's been watching some Saturday Night Fever and practicing his John Travolta pose - HA!!

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Sick & unhappy last week with a fever . . . but still so freakin' adorable :)

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Mastering the art of eating an apple :)

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Brothers at play . . . love this one :)

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Dying our Easter eggs a bit early and having lots of fun!!!

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Nothing like a walk & a popsicle!!

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Sportin' a new sunhat from Grammy!!!

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Ryan is enjoying trying out my camera every now and again.  Here's me decked out in my back brace on our walk.  This week was the first week I started exercising again - not gonna lie - definitely painful but doctor's orders!!

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Me & the little guy (photo by Ryan - not too bad for a 5 year old) . . .

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Now - have I been scrapping??  Nope, not one bit in the past month.  There is no way I can sit for any real length of time upright.  Hoping this changes soon as I am missing it terribly :(  I do have a number of things to share though that were posted last month.  First up, cards, LOTS of them.  I was absolutely flattered to be asked by Jill & Kimber of Jilllibean Soup to be a guest designer for their card kit club, The Card Kitchen.  While I was initially worried to try & come up with 8 different card ideas, I found it no problem once I started playing with the kit.  It was adorable & packed with all kinds of fun goodies!!   Here's what I came up with . . .
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(I just have to mention here that I made the basket in the card above :)  I cut strips from a small kraft envelope included in the kit & weaving them together, then folded over the edges.  To give it a rounded shape that allowed me to tuck in the flowers, I simply added some lower pop dots on the edges & thicker ones in the center.  The handle was cut from the bottom folded edge of the enveloped and glued down with some Tombow liquid adhesive - great adhesive by the way!!)

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I also came up with a few sketches for them . . .

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You may have seen on the Jillibean Soup blog that Jill had extended the current designers' contracts for another 6 months.  I decided to not extend my contract.  I made this decision before I found out all this mess about my back/leg, and am actually pretty grateful I did now because I wouldn't be able to complete my assignments anyway.  I LOVED working for Jill & the Jillibean Soup company.  It was honestly one of the best experiences I have had in this industry.  They are ridiculously generous with product & such wonderful people to have worked under.  I know I will miss it terribly but was ready to be commitment- free for awhile.  Aside from what is going on now, I have other things that I need to focus on & once I get this back all figured out, hopefully I will be able to do so :)  I do want to share my last 2 projects for Jillibean soup.  The first is this layout of Nicholas & his crazy curls.  I have had his hair cut twice & the curls keep coming back - love them!!!

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This was the March sketch challenge I created . . .

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And finally, the designer challenge for March was to scrap ourselves.  I'll be honest, I don't have too many pics of just me - mostly the few I have our with the kids.  I know as mother's we often struggle with our identity outside of the mother role.  It's difficult, but if I have learned anything over the past few weeks, it is that being a mother is the most important thing I can do in my life.  That faced with the inability to do it as I have always done scares me, that I will do whatever it takes to get to be "me" again, a mother . . .

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The quote I found on pinterest . . . just perfect :)

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11 comments:

  1. Julie, I am so sorry to hear about your back troubles. My husband has suffered a bad back since his 20's and I have witnessed the pain, as in tears running down your face pain. That is great that you didn't have to opt for surgery. I sure hope the shots and therapy work out. It must be so hard with needing to carry Nicholas. Glad you have lots of family support. Love your cards!! You can no longer say that you are not a card maker.... these are awesome!! Love your LO too. I will miss not seeing your Jillibean creations but understand your desire to be free of commitment. Now you can scrap for you. Nicholas is sooo cute with those beautiful curls. Loving your recent Ryan pics. He is such a ham. He must keep you laughing. Love the John Travolta pose! Hope you are feeling back to normal very soon!! Take Care. :)

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  2. Take care of yourself. Remember, you don't have to be supermom all the time...sometimes you don't have a choice but to slow down and take care of you. Hope you'll be feeling better soon. Your boys are adorable and so are the cards!

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  3. Thanks for the update, Julie! I was starting to wonder what happened to you. Please take good care of yourself - you are a supermom. When you are on an airplane they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first and they are right. We can only be the best mothers when we take good care of ourselves. Love your cards - so pretty and bright and fun.
    All the best!

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  4. Oh Jules! So sorry about your back. While I have not experienced it personally, Greg has. He hurt his at work. The same numbness tingling down the leg. Workman's comp has been real fun to deal with the last 13 years. he was doing well for a while then a year ago this past Feb. he hurt it all over again, just reaching up to grab a catalog sitting at work. Workman's comp is really pushing those injections you are doing, then surgery if that doesn't work. Greg has found a great chiropractor in town and is seeing him. It is helping him. Along with icing it for 20 min at a time (now just when sore). He has some stretching exercises as well that the chiro. gave him. He is trying to keep Greg from having to have that surgery. But, it is much better than what it was... where he could barely move and was laid up on the couch. I hope your back is better soon!! Maybe try the chiropractor as well. If you find a really good one, it helps.
    Cute, cute pics of the boys. Ryan is such ham. Ben can be like that too. I bet he keeps you laughing, as Ben does. :) That little Nicholas.. he is getting so big! I love his curls. LOVE your cards and pages. Get better!!! Enjoy your time to do and work on the things you need to now. Hugs!

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  5. So sorry for your pain as a mom of 5 little guys I know how hard physically it is no matter what. I always love when u have time to scrap and share - always AMAZING!

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  6. :-0 I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain! Ugh...I still think Mommies shouldn't get sick and should have health struggles! I sure hope your back starts making huge improvements so that your pain goes away quickly! My mom had a back surgery 2 Christmas ago for a compacted disc and she still struggles often with it.

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  7. Julie, I'm so sorry to hear about everything going on! It's so tough to try and be a mommy running around after kids when you're not 100% yourself. :( I hope the shots start helping soon and you can get some relief from the pain...

    AMAZING projects as always!
    - April

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  8. Julie, I'm certainly sorry about your back. Loved the photo of you with the big smile and the mother/son layout is very special. The little guy sure eats his fruits good. . . you are a great Mom. Happy Easter and keep following doctor's orders!

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  9. Hi Julie...so very sorry to hear about your back situation. I myself have been struggling with my back since 2006. First a herniated disc, degenerative disc disease, multiple injections, another herniated disc, 2 surgeries and now nerve damage in my left leg. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I pray that your back improves...just fight surgery until it is your last result. My last surgery was a fusion and there is really nothing left for me to do. Find a good dr. that your can trust treat it conservatively. That is my best advice for someone who has been there. Best of luck, and as for your cards and layouts, you know I have always been one of your biggest fans. Love your work!!!! I hope to continue seeing your work in the future. If you ever have any questions on the "back" situation, I would be happy to help you in any way that I could if only for support...most people just don't understand unless they have been there. Hang in there Girl!!!!! Hugs...

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  10. Julie! So sorry to hear about your health situation-sure hope you can find some relief soon. There is nothing worse than being in pain, it absolutely can penetrate your soul! Please take care of you, even though you probably feel guilty that you can't run, play and pickup your kids like before, you will be able to do so again. Glad to hear you have family to help with some things and hope your Bloggy friends can lift your spirits! Will be looking forward to seeing more of your projects and wonderful layouts. TerryK

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  11. I am so sorry to hear of your back problems....I know how excruciating that pain can be. I hope you get good medical care and the disc issue can be resolved so you can go back to being the mommy you want to be to your wondeful family. Your projects are awesome...especially that kraft paper woven basket which I just might have to try to duplicate.

    Best wishes,
    Sandi

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